What is an alcove? In architecture, an alcove is a recess or a niche in the wall of a room that could serve as a sitting or storage area. I found two pretty alcoves inside the magnificent Villa Ephrussi de Rothschild, during a day trip to Saint Jean Cap Ferrat along the French Riviera. Villa Ephrussi is a mansion built between 1907-1912 for Baroness Beatrice de Rothschild of the famous Rothschild family of bankers. This gorgeous estate geographically sits on a promontory of an isthmus, allowing breathtaking views of the Mediterranean from both sides of the property. To accurately describe the charm of this rose-colored villa and the grandeur of its nine gardens will require a much higher level of knowledge and expertise in architecture, interior design and landscaping. So let me just talk about an interesting feature I found inside the house, which the guided tour referred to as “alcoves for post prandial conversations”. These are elegant sitting areas located in two corners of the dining room. The idea is that after sharing a meal with guests at the dining table, these alcoves would serve as separate areas to sit, linger, relax, and converse more privately with just one or two other friends.
Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. Prov. 27:17
I’m not interested in remodeling our home to create alcoves for post prandial conversations. But I am very thankful that throughout my life as a follower of Christ, God has generously allowed me to sit in alcoves of accountability with sisters in Christ – fellow sinners saved by grace. In these alcoves, life stories are shared without skipping the chapters on suffering and sin. Trust is built out of intentional vulnerability about our own frailty and our constant need of God’s grace. In these alcoves, prayer abounds, and time is not wasted in superficial conversation. Fellowship bears fruit in the form of a deeper commitment to love and spur each other on for God’s greater glory. Encouragement is genuine because love is not determined by similarities and preferences, and the shared joy of living for Jesus becomes more evident.
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
The bible is full of examples of strong, committed relationships among God’s people: David and Jonathan, Ruth and Naomi, Elizabeth and Mary, Paul and Timothy, and many more. Research studies done in pastoral ministry have shown that having a fully disclosing friend is a significant factor in determining whether one’s ministry life will thrive in the long term. But if accountability is so important, why is it so rarely experienced and lived out?
Privacy is one of the most cherished rights in our society. It is important and it has a purpose. However, in terms of our Christian walk, privacy and individualism do not serve as instruments for our sanctification. Unfortunately, it is not in our nature to move towards accountability, even though we value (or we think we value) the concept. We may talk about it, while remaining highly capable of spiritual isolation. We may actively serve in various ministries and yet barricade ourselves mentally and emotionally such that no one can speak into our lives or influence us in our convictions. We may choose to confine fellowship with brothers and sisters at the huge dinner table of Sunday service, without any purposeful pursuit of much deeper connections with a close friend or a small group in alcoves of accountability. Individualism may deceive me into thinking that my sins and struggles should just be between me and the Lord; when in fact, the Word of God clearly says, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” James 5:16a
Christian author John Ortberg once wrote that if we long to be loved, we must be willing to be known. Being deeply known sounds risky, yet the protection it provides is much greater than we will ever realize in our lifetime. Temptation becomes a hundred times more irresistible in the alcove of isolation. On the other hand, alcoves of accountability offer a hedge of safety when God’s truth is spoken to one another out of love. Because it is God’s idea, our abiding in accountability relationships will be life-giving and transformative. It doesn’t mean all will be perfect. We will encounter disappointments along the way, for we are all flawed. Not only might we feel uncomfortable in disclosing our anxieties and difficulties to another person; but we may likewise feel inadequate when others unravel their doubts and fears to us. Yet the grace God gives will always be enough for the challenge that is before us. Let us take comfort that He, whose strength is made even more manifest in our weakness, doesn’t expect us to know all the answers. He has given us His Spirit by whose power we can love others genuinely, as Christ loves us.
Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel. Prov 27:9
Who is there to sit with you in the alcove of accountability? Dear friend, do not let pride build a wall of self-sufficiency around you, as though you never need the counsel of another. Every child of God is a vessel that is meant to be poured into, and to be poured out. Too many sins have been committed in secret. Too many saints have fallen by going solo; by not having anyone to fully disclose one’s soul, and mutually share the struggles of the heart. We all need, and we all should be, that listening, caring, Truth-telling friend whose compass needle always points to Jesus. He is exalted when we humbly submit to one another.
If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. 1 John 1:6-7
“If I take offence easily; if I am content to continue in cold unfriendliness, though friendship be possible, then I know nothing of Calvary love.” Amy Carmichael
Lamp unto my feet 